Just Friends

We were made for relationship. We were created for community with each other, but first and foremost for relationship with God. The way we approach relationships is where we get into trouble. We can approach them in 2 ways:


  1. To get value FROM others
  2. To give value TO others


We typically look for relationships that give us the value that we desire. To be loved. To be respected. To be accepted. To be liked. To feel beautiful. To feel useful. To be needed. To be wanted. But at the end of the day this is selfish and merely an emotional “fix.” We are often looking for the benefits of intimacy without the commitment that comes with true relationship.


There was a time in my life when I was chasing Mindy (now my wife of almost 5 years) and I attempted to be someone I thought she would like better. I ate differently and worked out to be built a certain way that would surely win her over. At some point my desire to win her heart became less about loving her and more about me trying to overcome my insecurities about the way I looked and how she saw me. But, the true goal in a friendship or romantic relationship should be to add value to THEM verses searching for someone who will add value to YOU.


Many find themselves in those, “we’re just friends” situation because they are often looking for the benefits of intimacy without the commitment that comes with true relationship. Are you looking for that relationship that will fix the void you have inside? If you’re constantly looking for this or that, it could be because you don’t trust God? We all need to be fulfilled and confident in who Jesus says we are and who God created us to be. Don’t look for your other half or someone to complete you. Instead, be whole in God and find everything you need in Him. Relationships that work are not 2 halves that make a whole it’s two whole people in Christ that become one in Him.


God created us for relationship, not so that we would seek our worth or value in our relationships with other people. He gave us the desire for value and worth so that we would desire it from HIM. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV) “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33 NIV)


He wants to love you. He wants you to seek Him and accept His love. You will never find a better place, than in Christ, to find value and worth.


Final thoughts/questions to ask yourself:

Am I content to be single?

Am I giving value or just getting value from my relationships?

Am I trying to fill a void with a relationship?